3 Phases

 I think there are phases in waiting.The first being one with lots of pain and the desire pulling us, "I want it. I want to have it. I need it." It's the time when you breakdown when each door closes, where you try vigorously, all that you can in your power. It's the phase that is filled with deep pain, heartbreaks but also the inability to lose hope.


Phase 2 is kinda different. You get used to it. You get used to the situation not changing, you still try your best  but you understand now that you have absolutely no control, so the rejections and failures leave you unfazed. You just keep moving, sometimes the exhaustion wears you out after a period of time, but you still want it and you believe it will be given to you. Every time you see someone else with it, or a post about it, you flinch. You wait for relief because even though you are patient, the days are long and nights are endless.

 

Phase 3 is a weird phase. By this time, you don't care anymore. The desire to have it doesn't seem important, in fact you might not even desire it for yourself. The value the thing seemed to hold had just disappeared. It doesn't matter now whether you get what you wanted, whether you even get it or not, perhaps the external pressure might cave in, but you personally might not really have any attachment to it. However, in this phase, there is a sudden sadness when you think about how you thought this would have made you happy and gave you joy. It's the sadness of losing a dream, over the realization that it was a dream that was never yours.